On paper, the numbers seem to make sense.

I’ve taken different paths in my life than a lot of my friends, and yet, we’ve still had similar experiences that we can relate to. How? Check out these fun numbers:

I’ve never served as a full-time missionary, but I talk about my Ragnar Relay Races like other people talk about their missions.

• Number of Ragnars Run: 3
• Collective Number of Hours Slept While Racing: 9ish
• Collective Number of Hours Spent Racing: 106ish
• Number of Different Teammates I’ve Had: 33
• Total Number of People I’ve Known on My Teams Before Race Day: 2

Though these strenuous, rewarding races are nowhere NEAR a full-time mission, I’ve had so many amazing experiences and met so many wonderful people while running these Ragnar Relays that I just never stop talking about them. You’re away from home, you don’t know anyone (pretty much the case for my Ragnars) – missions/Ragnars are a total, immersive culture shock! Everyone’s way too excited to be there, too – runner’s high, the Holy Ghost, call it what you will. Food is minimal (unless you get fed; thank you, Mr. Wadsworth!), rest is rare, and the masses think you’re crazy. Also, personally, I’ve completely fallen in love with every place I’ve run a Ragnar in (Wasatch Back in Utah, Colorado, and Las Vegas) and I want to go back all the time. However, as is not uncommon for LDS missions, I never gained any weight running these races (unless it was in leg muscle). 

It’s no secret here that I’ve never dated anyone, but I go through Ward Activities Co-Chairs like some people go through boy/girlfriends.

• Number of Times I’ve Had This Calling: 3
• Collective Number of Months Served For: 31
• Number of Co-Chairs I’ve Had: 8

As a side note: It honestly feels like this is my permanent calling, and that other people who get it when I get called somewhere else are just borrowing it. …also, this is my favorite calling. :)

I’ve had co-chairs that I’ve freakin LOVED (in the most friend-ish way – I’ve actually never “like” liked any of them. …I take that back, I did like one of them, but now we’re just friends), and I’ve had co-chairs that looked promising, but that I actually didn’t work too well with. …/didn’t work too well with me. I didn’t really know what I was doing when I first got called, and my first co-chair and I actually parted ways pretty quickly and aren’t even really friends now. Some served with me for months, some only for a couple weeks. Some are just like me, some are soooooooo different. Some people have boyfriends/girlfriends, I have collaborative partnerships.

As another side note: While these partnerships have been similar to the structure of romantic relationships, honestly, the lessons I’ve learned through having friends (both boys AND girls) have given me more life experiences and taught me more life lessons that are similar to the experiences/lessons that my friends have had through dating other people.

And thus we see that God uses various methods to teach His children the same lessons so that each may learn in the most effective way. :)

Life?

Life is good. :)

I love people, and I like to think that sometimes I understand them.

When I’m in the process of getting to know a person, I like to think about what their spouse is like, or what their future spouse might be like. I can’t really give generalizations about what kind of Significant Other a person chooses (or will someday choose) says about them, but it’s interesting for me to think about. I’ll give you a few examples of couples I know that might give you an idea as to why I find this fascinating:

Couple Numero Uno: Total Opposites

The Husband: He is crazy. Like, daredevil, maybe a little arrogant, fun-loving, adventurous, prideful (but still a great person), outgoing, loud, confident, kind of a bro. Also unorthodox and slightly inappropriate at times, as most famously noted in his Sacrament Meeting talks. It’s freaking funny, but it makes his wife roll her eyes a bit. ;)

The Wife: She’s like the sweetest person ever. Quiet, relative to her husband, but definitely able to stand her ground and not a pushover. Super nice, very loving, approachable, generally happy. Strong testimony. Overall great person.

The Combination: They definitely complete each other. Some say that opposites attract, but others say that’s only true to an extent. I tend to agree with the latter. So what qualities do we see in the husband that we don’t immediately see in the wife? What about the other way around? Or what similarity do they have that we don’t see in either one? It’s fun to look for that kind of stuff. I would say that this relationship is complementary, but they have to have some strong, underlying value or characteristic or something that they connect with, right? Sometimes, as we look closer, we can figure out what that is, but other times… well, we may never know. :)

Couple Number Two: Basically The Same Person

The Husband: Mostly reserved, but has been known to let go sometimes and bring out his goofy side, competitive side, etc. Hipster. Very smart. Creative thinker. Great friend. Very easy to talk to. Hard worker. Overall a wonderful person. :)

The Wife: Mostly reserved, but has been known to let go sometimes and bring out her goofy side. Doesn’t like to watch her husband get competitive because he sometimes almost gets hurt. ;) Loves to be outside. Hipster. …excuse me, Non-Traditionalist. :) Very smart. Good thinker. Creative. Absolutely a great friend. Very easy to talk to. Hard worker. Overall a wonderful person. :)

The Combination: I know both these kids pretty well, and I LOVE THEM. :) That’s not relevant to this post, but it had to come out. Anyway, with couples like this, it’s no WONDER they got married, right? When I look at these kinds of couples, I see their common values amplified. Let me explain: Say you have this friend. You know he loves his family, is very religious, loves biking, and never leaves anywhere without his chapstick. Then he marries this girl who has had a rocky past with her family, but she’s also very religious, loves biking, and always has chapstick on hand. All of the sudden, his love of his religion, biking, and his chapstick seem to be much more important to him. Maybe you didn’t even realize he valued them so much. Orrrrr maybe you did and you saw this relationship happening 100 years ago. Either way.

*Two things: First of all, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he values his family less than these other things. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t; it doesn’t matter. The point is that to you, the value he places on religion, biking and chapstick is deeper than you thought it was before. Second, the chapstick may be irrelevant, but it may also represent their shared love of small and simple things. You never know. :)

If a person is not married, then I try to imagine what his or her future spouse would be like. Will they marry someone mostly different than they are, suggesting a side of them I don’t know, or will they marry someone pretty similar to them, cementing the values I already knew they had? Or what if none of that is even applicable? Every person and every couple is so different that these things have to be considered on a case-by-case basis.

Obviously, these are some more extreme(ish) examples, and there are varying degrees of differences and similarities. I didn’t even touch the Happy Medium couples. But hopefully, you can see why I find this fascinating. Some people look inside a woman’s purse, others inspect the window stickers on a car, and almost everyone Facebook stalks. But I think that looking at who they pick/might pick for their eternal companion (or, you know, like, spouse or life-mate or whatever if you’re not LDS or don’t otherwise believe in life after death and the bonds of marriage transcending that event) says a lot about a person, and can help us understand them on a deeper level. :)

Life?

TONIGHT IS THE BYU MEN'S VOLLEYBALL HOME FREAKIN OPENER!!!!!

Life is good. :)

The National Parks

Once upon a time I was in this class and I made a new friend named Caroline.

I like Caroline. She's super down to earth and kinda hippie in a Mormon way. Girl wore Chacos to class. #coolstatusright?

;)

So one day, I think I was looking for new music, and I can't remember exactly how I came to this, but I knew that Caroline listened to this band called The National Parks. Maybe I saw it on Spotify or something...? I honestly don't remember. But since I liked Caroline's style, I decided to give them a listen.

I'm always open to new music, searching for bands that just hit the spot for me. :)

I listened to a couple of their songs, and I liked them! But I quickly forgot about them.

Recently, I remembered this band and decided to give them another listen because I had remembered that I liked them. So I Spotify them again and started to fall in love with two of their songs. Their other songs are not bad by any means, I just tend to be slow with my feelings.

Heaven help my future husband... he is likely to have to wait in the friend zone for a while before I start to like him, let alone before we even DATE. 

BUTANYWAYS.

I soon learned to love As We Ran and Ghosts. I decided, "Yeah, I like this band."

So then today I'm on the Facebooks and I notice that my friend has commented on something about The National Parks and their song called Helsinki. I look a little closer and find out THEY'RE A UTAH-BASED BAND.

AND THEY'RE BYU GRADUATES.

WHAAAAAAAA???!?!?!?

It doesn't matter where they're from, I'd still like them either way, but this just made them so much cooler! And apparently, they were like 19 on some iTunes chart. BYU GRADS, GUYS. #ThatsMyAlmaMater :)

So cool, right?? Here are those two songs I love; give them a listen for yourself! :)

As We Ran

Ghosts

Life?

Life is good. :)

Dreams + Share the Gift! :)

I have several dreams, among which include having the ability to fly, galloping through landscapes on horseback, and having hair the length of my torso.

The first and the last will probably not happen in this life.

Also among the number of dreams I have is running a marathon, and I am DETERMINED to realize this one. My plan is to run my first marathon this year. In June, actually. I’ve selected a race and I’ve set my training plan up (thank you, Nike Running app). I will do this. This is a dream of mine. However, like all worth-while pursuits, I’m already facing an obstacle: I’m running alone. Training will be alone. Racing will be alone. Everything will be solitary.

Now maybe I’ll find some beautiful souls to accompany me on some of my training runs, and maybe I’ll even find someone to run this race with me. But for right now, since things are looking pretty lonely in the fulfilment of this dream, I’ve decided that I’m going to document this whole process. I need a support group. I know this blog has readers (even though I pretend that no one actually reads this), and so I have a favor to ask: If you do read any of my upcoming posts about training for my first marathon, and you feel so inclined to send some words of encouragement my way, will you please do so? It will help me more than you might think. J

I’m going to run this marathon! Let’s hope I don’t get some serious, debilitating injury or something because, well, that would suck.

Life?

Life is good. J

Also.

It’s almost Christmas!!! I love this video. My Savior, Jesus Christ, is one of my best friends, and I say that honestly. Invite Christ
into your Christmas this season, and into your life continually. J

In an effort to get the over-analytic/freaked out girl out:

Remember how this is my graffiti wall? Imma come straight out and say this: 

WHY I ATTRACT GUYS I NO LIKE, AND WHY GUYS I LIKE NO LIKE ME?? 

Or maybe they do and are just pansies. That's what my bishop tells me, at least... but still.

But anyway, I'm not desperate, I just happen to think this one guy is way attractive, and I like to think that he just ends up in my general vicinity on purpose, but in reality, that's probably not the case, and it's not like he talks to me anyway, and I'm afraid that if I talk to him he's going to think I like him and it'll make things weird, but it's not like we're great friends anyway (we're acquaintances, I guess) so what difference would it make, and ps, I'm pretty sure one of my friends is kinda going after him anyway and she's super cute in every way so it's like whatever anyway.

IT'S WHATEVS.

I'm almost to the point where it's just like... 

...next?

 

But you know me... I'm going to worry about it until he's no longer an option.

but seriously, though, guys.

Life?

Life is still good. :)

Some Thoughts On Charity, Part I

I have been trying to have more charity in my life, so today I decided to study a little more about it. J

Charity: The “What”

I like to go through the Who/What/When/Where/Why/How thought process, so today, let’s start with the “What” of charity. What is charity? The first definition I found on lds.org is this:

“Charity is the pure love of Christ. It is the love that Christ has for the children of men and that the children of men should have for one another. It is the highest, noblest, and strongest kind of love and the most joyous to the soul (see 1 Nephi 11:23).”

So basically, charity is the pure love of Christ and is the most joyous to the soul. Right this very moment, I’m not performing any charitable act, nor am I on the receiving end of one, but I want to feel that love. I want to know for myself that the pure love of Christ is truly the most joyous to the soul. I want to experience that joy. I know that I can experience that if I love and serve others with a pure heart. I want to feel the love that Christ has for others – my family, my friends, and even people who I don’t know very well or don’t know at all. I want to see others as He sees them. Let’s keep going:

In Moroni 7:45, we read: “Charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things” So what I get from this is:

·         Charity suffereth long. Charity deals with crap. Sometimes in life, crappy things happen. We have a crappy job, a crappy living situation, a class in school that we might hate, or just any kind of rough situation that lasts a little while. I think that to have charity means that you deal with hard things that come, even when they last for a long time. I’m not saying that you have to stay in these situations and be miserable for days, weeks, months, or years to have charity (by all means, try to improve them!), but sometimes we can’t control these kinds of things. We don’t get that new job we applied for, we need that class to graduate, we haven’t yet found a better place to live… whatever the circumstance may be. But through it all, we keep our chins up, look to our Savior, and run our races with patience (Hebrews 12:1-2). I think that’s actually this is: patience. To have charity, we must be patient.

o   As kind of a side-thought, I thought of this quote I had heard once and loved that talked about how patience wasn’t just sitting and waiting. I found that quote (from a talk given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in Priesthood Session of General Conference in April 2010):

“From that experience, I learned that patience was far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience required actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results didn’t appear instantly or without effort.

“There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!”

That is exactly what I was looking for! Again, I wanted that to be kind of a side-note, but then I kept reading, and it turns out that this actually fits perfectly with charity! Look:

“Impatience, on the other hand, is a symptom of selfishness. It is a trait of the self-absorbed. It arises from the all-too-prevalent condition called “center of the universe” syndrome, which leads people to believe that the world revolves around them and that all others are just supporting cast in the grand theater of mortality in which only they have the starring role.

“How different this is, my dear brethren, from the standard the Lord has set for us as priesthood holders.”

Or, you know, for anyone, really.

·         Charity is kind. …I think that’s pretty simple. To have charity, you must be kind. Do kind things for others, but also speak kindly of others. Speak kindly to them, too. Treat them kindly. Just be kind.

·         Charity isn’t envious. I’m a definition person, and I love this definition of envy: “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.” That’s disgusting. It’s totally selfish. However, with that said, I don’t know about anyone else, but I will openly admit that I sometimes feel envious of others. It’s an easy state for me to slip into. I don’t envy their material possessions, but their friendships with other people, and that envy always leads me to feel slight resentment toward the other person. Sometimes I judge them unrighteously, which I’m pretty quick to recognize and remedy, because I HATE when people judge others unrighteously (doesn’t mean I’m perfect, but it does mean that I try to eradicate that when I see it in myself). But it’s ALWAYS selfish, which is opposite of charitable. That reminds me of this quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, referring to the story in the Bible of the laborers in the vineyard who worked different amounts of hours but got paid the same, see Matthew 20:1-15:

“As the householder in the parable tells them (and I paraphrase only slightly): ‘My friends, I am not being unfair to you. You agreed on the wage for the day, a good wage. You were very happy to get the work, and I am very happy with the way you served. You are paid in full. Take your pay and enjoy the blessing. As for the others, surely I am free to do what I like with my own money.’ Then this piercing question to anyone then or now who needs to hear it: ‘Why should you be jealous because I choose to be kind?’ Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those.”

It’s kind of a wake-up call, right? For me, yeah.

·         Charity is not puffed up. Charity is not narcissistic. Charity doesn’t put herself above others, especially by diminishing those around her. Charity isn’t prideful. Charity isn’t puffed up.

·         Seeketh not her own. Charity is not self-promoting. Charity doesn’t do things to be seen of men. Charity looks at her intent behind every action she’s about to take, and if that intent is to get attention from others, she refrains. Charity doesn’t put herself before others, she puts others before herself.

·         Not easily provoked. I think this goes hand-in-hand with patience. Charity doesn’t let something small set her off. There was this one time where someone said something negative about my family in a joking-ish manner. I don’t take those kinds of comments lightly. Imma be honest, I was pissed. I chose to say nothing and kill the conversation there, because I felt that was the best thing course of action for me to take. I didn’t know what else I could have done. Had I chosen to fight back, I would probably have blown up that situation way bigger than it needed to be. But I think this is what charity is talking about. Don’t let yourself get so easily worked up. Could I have handled the situation with more charity? Probably. How? I don’t know. But at least I didn’t lash out at this person for kind of attacking the most important people in my life. Anyone have any thoughts about charity not being easily provoked? My only thought is the obvious one: Don’t get mad so easily. Don’t let things get to you so much, especially little things.

·         Thinketh no evil. I think there are a lot of things to be said about this, but I think the most relevant regarding charity is to think well of others. Every once in a while, I struggle with this. Someone comes into my life who I have a hard time loving, and I have to pray and pray for help with that. The thing that helps me the most is thinking positive things about that person. I know from experience (/several experiences) that thinking good things about others helps us to love them and to treat them well. Keep your thoughts pure and loving and your heart and actions will follow suit.

·         Rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth. Maybe this is just my naïve opinion, but I feel like it’s a common thing for people to rejoice in iniquity. We laugh when others use inappropriate language, we respect and congratulate those who have “courage” to break the rules and do things we know we shouldn’t be doing. I think one reason for this is that we know we are imperfect, so to see others’ imperfections, especially the ones that we relate to, makes us feel like we’re not alone. We celebrate them. I’m not saying that it’s bad to accept imperfections in ourselves and others (I kinda think we need to or else we’d all be very hopeless, depressed people). But I think it’s when we accept these and refuse to overcome them and turn these flaws, or, if you will, weaknesses, into strengths that we really cheat ourselves out of becoming more than what we are and realizing our potential. How does this relate to charity? I’m not 100% sure, but I have this thought: Charity is love, right? So if you love someone, you want the best for them. You want them to be all that they can be. And as you open your heart to love, real love, I think you also realize that truth leads to happiness, and you want that happiness for those you love. How about this one, any thoughts?

·         Beareth all things. I think this is related to “Charity suffereth long.” When I read this, I just think of someone who just takes everything that is thrown at them, knowing that it will make them stronger. And not just like standing there getting pelted with stuff, but like a shortstop in baseball, fielding everything that comes his way. Sometimes he stops the ball and gets the out, other times he stops the ball and falls short of making the best play. Sometimes it goes right past him (whether that’s his error or not), and he has to learn to rely on the help of the outfielders to make the play. But after every trial, no matter the outcome, he comes right back and does it again for the next batter. I went to a softball pitching camp once where I learned this piece of wisdom that I think applies to just more than just pitching: A good pitcher always forgets the last pitch. I think that’s true. Yeah, sometimes it’s helpful to remember your successes, I’ll add that, but personally, I think that most of the time, it’s helpful for me to forget what I’ve done in the past and focus on what I’m about to do in order to perform at my highest level. As we field every trial that comes our way, staying focused, I believe that we grow stronger and more capable of doing harder and harder things. Again, how does this relate to charity? I’m not sure. But my thoughts turn to my parents. In raising my siblings and I, all ten of us, I am confident that they might understand more of what “bearing all things” means as it pertains to charity. I think they have learned more about this through their experiences than I have.

·         Believeth all things. K obviously, I’m pretty sure this isn’t saying that someone who has charity believes every little thing that is out there, because we all know there are false and incorrect teachings. But sometimes, I think it’s hard to accept truths that are hard for us to understand or receive, but if it’s truth, it’s truth, and we should accept it and believe it. Like President Uchtdorf said, “First doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.”  All of these last ones are hard for me to relate to charity (so I’m serious, if you have any thoughts/insights/experiences, please share!), but for this one I’m thinking that someone who possesses the true love of Christ would be believing and accepting of His teachings. And personally, I believe that Christ’s teachings aren’t just for Sunday School.

·         Hopeth all things. My simple understanding/explanation of hope is a bright faith in the future. The opposite of hope is despair, a feeling which takes over our hearts, making it nearly impossible to be hopeful and to feel loved or love others. I think that hope is kind of a result of charity, and I want to say that charity can also be a result of hope. Both affect the heart.

·         Endureth all things. The Relief Society motto is “Charity Never Faileth.” Charity endures hurt, anger, sadness, fear, loneliness, bitterness, pride and resentment, but it also sticks around through happiness, relief, excitement, and joy. Pure love heals and augments. And doesn’t that seem fitting, since Christ is the Master Healer himself? J Someone who has charity truly endureth all things with love in their heart.

There’s probably a lot more that can be said on charity (you could probably check lds.org for that!), but I feel that I have sufficiently answered the “What.” Well, sufficiently for me, at least. I could probably exhaust it further, but I’m happy with this for now. Bottom line, charity is the pure love of Christ. If you seek to have charity, to have pure love in your heart, I feel like all of this will fall into place.

Stay tuned for more posts on charity. (…I don’t think any of them will be this long. ;)) J

Life?

Life is good. J

Mr. Attractive Returns

Want to know something funny that just happened?

I used to work with this REALLY good-looking guy. Too bad he transferred to another team RIGHT as I started to be interested in him. It's fine, I'm used to it by now. That's honestly been my luck lately.

So today I come into work and find that I was added to this email chain that has an email from him saying he'll be up to visit today (I was added because I had to fix something for him). I didn't know when he was coming, but I was totally anticipating it!

Well, work has been kinda slow lately. I literally have nothing to do except answer the occasional email. I promise, I'm not just trying to get out of work. So since I don't have much to do, I came across a super cute video where women described themselves as mothers (which were all less-than-stellar self-reviews) and then were shown a video of their kids talking about how wonderful their mothers are. Heartfelt, touchy-feely stuff. It was actually really cute. :)

Right as my eyes start welling up with tears (that did NOT fall, ps, because I don't cry), Mr. Atrractive turns the corner and says hi to me. Of course. RIGHT as I look like I'm on the verge of emotional-wreck status. I simply pretended the tears were not distorting the lower half of my vision and smiled and said hi back, but I knew I was all glossy-eyed and I'm almost 100% he could tell.

...but, then again, he is a boy. Unless he's obsessed with me and was really paying attention, I'm pretty sure he didn't even notice.

:)

Fun story of the day.

life?

life is good. :)

It's getting to be that time of year. I took this picture on my phone, but I have no idea how the falling snow animation got there... but cool, right? :)

In which I catharsisize. (I have a degree in Linguistics that tells me I can make up my own words.)

Dear Blogging World.

Greetings.

If you’re out there, whoever you are, stranger or friend, maybe you can help me.

Do you ever struggle with figuring out when you’re being paranoid about something or trusting in a gut feeling? I’m speaking mostly of relationships with other people, but truth is truth and applies to all situations, so give me what you’ve got. I’ll expound a little more on my particular situation:

Sometimes, when making friends, I take a risk and do something to show them that I really like them/think they're awesome/want to be even better friends with them. Sometimes, there’s no response, or a less-than-enthusiastic response, in which case I figure that my risk didn’t pay off. Other times, it strengthens our friendship, and it’s awesome! Getting to be better friends is a wonderful thing!

le duh. :)

But anyway, sometimes, the response after me putting myself out there is kinda neutral… Like it’s good, but not great, but not bad by any means. That’s where I start to worry. I feel like I understand people pretty well, though I know full well that I don’t know everything. It’s this understanding mixed with uncertainty, mixed with my past and present social experiences that makes me so anxious. In the past, I didn’t really have refined social skills like so many of my peers. I simply just didn’t know how to act around most other people. I needed so badly to be accepted by others that I was afraid of what people thought of what I said or how I acted to the point that it crippled me. As a result, let’s just say that the masses weren’t beating the doors down to sit next to me at lunch. I was shy and insecure and self-conscious, and I didn’t think I was anything great. I got it stuck in my brain that people were nice to me because they felt obligated to be nice to me. Some were actually nice to me because they were great people (angel status, some of them!), but even then, I never felt like people actually sought to be my friend because they liked me so much. I hate writing that, because I don’t want to unintentionally speak ill of anyone saying that all nice acts toward me were forced and insincere. I also have a voice in my head that says, “STEPHANIE. THAT IS NOT TRUE.” But that’s what I honestly thought.

Anyway.

I’ve learned a little since then. In fact, I’ve learned a lot. And now I believe that people really do like being my friend. Well, I know that at least some of them do. ;) But because I’ve always kinda thought that in most cases, people were nice to me because it was the good thing to do, I still worry that sometimes that the kindness of others toward me is more out of civility and propriety than actual love (or ‘like’). Such is the case when I get that neutral response after a risky leap to a deeper level of friendship. Sometimes I worry about this even when I get a good, but not great response from the other person. I know that everyone is different and shows emotion in different ways. But I kinda freak out! If it’s not a definite, “THEY FREAKIN LOVE ME!” kind of response, I think, “Ah crap… maybe we’re not that good of friends yet… Maybe they don’t like me… Maybe they’re just being nice to me, but they don’t actually like me as much as I like them…”

It’s crazy status, I know. But how do I know if I’m being paranoid or if it’s a gut feeling that things aren’t really going to work out with the relationship in question? Does anyone else relate? …probably. I hope this is normal. Everyone has a little crazy inside them, right? If not… anyone know a good therapist? ;) (side note: I’ve never talked to a therapist before, but I know a bunch of people who have and I think it’s AWESOME. Seriously.)

K here’s where we come back to the ground: If, in fact, the other person does really like having me around as a better friend, then everything will be ok! I don’t have to worry! That period of waiting to see if they do anything to show me that they think I’m awesome just like I think they’re awesome will pass and I’ll be fine. And I’ll have stronger friendships. :) If they’re just being nice… I’ll get over it. I’ll make other friends. Time will pass and we probably won’t really see each other again (not necessarily because they don’t like me, it may just be that we take very different paths), but the pain of losing a potential friendship that I really want for now will lessen as I go on to forge some true, lasting friendships. Plus, I already HAVE true and lasting friendships. I’ll always have someone to turn to, no matter where I go. Yes, it’s nice to have friends in every place in my life (work, church, etc.), but I have my family, I have my other friends, and I have God, all who I value immensely, so why do I freak out so much? :)

I’ll keep you posted on how this all shakes out (kinda going through one of these freak-out sessions at the moment and figured that blogging about it would be cathartic), but if anyone has any advice for me or anyone else who might potentially come across this post and the comments on it, by all means, please share. :)

Life?

Life is good. Family is better. God is great. :)