Hoping for the Best

You guys, I'm going through a trial right now that's extremely hard for me to deal with.

It's been difficult. Really, really difficult. And I've been dealing with it for about 2.5 weeks, and it's been getting harder and harder to handle as the days go by. I've been crushed. Utterly and completely crushed. Everything aspect of my life seems to be weighed down by this. And people are starting to notice - I'm usually good at putting on a face, but I'm losing my ability to keep smiling. I've never been so low in my life.

Today, I was talking to my mom about this whole thing. After a while, she looked at me and said, "Stephanie, this is crazy. You're usually one to see the positives, and right now, all you're looking for is the negatives."

She's right. This isn't me. For 2.5 weeks, I've been expecting the worst, only so I wouldn't have to hope for something that might not happen, and then have my hopes dashed. I skipped the hope and went straight to the smashing thereof. Funnily enough, it was only yesterday that I decided to read a talk given by President Uchtdorf (then, Elder Uchtdorf) in October 2008 called The Infinite Power of Hope. I knew I needed to be hopeful, but here I was, telling my mom that I had to look at the negatives because I didn't want to get my hopes up for nothing.

It's stupid, though, to hurt yourself before something else might hurt you.

So, I'll be hopeful. Because I know that it's the better option. My mom told me to hope for the best and let things play out, even if it sucks. Am I going to get hurt? Maybe. But "maybe" is better than "definitely." Maybe it'll still suck, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I am a life lover. I am a positive thinker. I am not a giver-upper, or a wallower. I am not easily defeated. I don't stay down. I pick myself back up, even when it's hard. And in times of my life where I didn't have to strength to stand, my Savior's been there to help me up. He and I are buddies. He gets me, and I'm getting to know Him as I live my life and turn to Him. We're in this together. I also have angels round about me to bear me up (D&C 84:88). I wasn't sent here alone.

Life is good, situations suck. And the situation I'm in right now SUCKS. But eventually, it's going to get better. If I'm sticking with Jesus Christ, who is the light of the world, the darkness I'm in will be dispelled.

"And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along."

(D&C 78:18)

I have so much inner conflict inside of me, it's insane...

nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. (2 Nephi 4:19)

So, here we go. Hopefully it turns out for the best.

Life is good. Family is better. God is great.

Because maybe this one would see some more light of day.

Once upon a time, she was on a softball team. She was no good, really, but she felt the need to be something great someday, and she thought that maybe this was the way to do it.

(it wasn’t, just in case you were wondering)

She was a sophomore in high school and was nowhere NEAR the JV or Varsity level, so she played on the Sophomore Team.

read:  “…there are [good] teams and there are [bad] teams. Then there's fifty feet of crap, and then there's us.”

(slightly altered quote from Moneyball)

This wasn’t a team. This was a group of girls who only slightly got along with one another, each praying that Coach would see her inner Jennie Finch break free and dazzle the masses, guaranteeing a starting spot on the Varsity team in the very least. …you know, with as much dirt rubbed in it as possible.

She also didn’t have very high self-esteem. She was shy, she was awkward, she didn’t really have friends like the rest of them did. She had a few, but at that point, it was more along the lines of a group of already established friends who let her sit with them at lunch.

So to recap, she was basically a nobody who had nothing going for her. She was a nice girl, but by no means was she anyone’s first choice to sit next to in the dugout. Or second. Not even third. She probably had a better chance of getting placed at the bottom of the batting order than she did of having someone genuinely think she was interesting.

Then one day, they drove up to Lehi for a game. It was right after school, and her last class of the day had been seminary, so she had placed her scriptures in her bag with her softball gear. When they got to the field, she took her scriptures out to find her sunflower seeds that had mysteriously gone missing in the catacombs of her Nike bag. Beautiful Sydney saw the book.

“Your middle name is Lyn?” she asked.

(the girl’s full name was engraved on her scriptures)

“Yeah,” she answered.

“It’s pretty!” Sydney said.

I want you to know that this moment changed her life in a small, but profound way. The girl never really thought much of her middle name. After all, it was her uncle’s name. Even though her mother always reassures her that she was not named for her uncle, still, no girl wants an old man’s name for her own. But at that moment, when Sydney expressed her approval of the girl’s middle name, she started to like it. It became beautiful to her, too.

She started using it everywhere. She wrote it on her food when she got to college, she signed it on notes she sent to her friends, she included it in her username for her Instagram account, she put it everywhere. It was as though almost overnight, her middle name went from something she mostly disregarded to something that she genuinely liked, and even treasured.

Sometimes, in life, all we need is one person to genuinely believe we’re worth something. One person to believe we are truly beautiful. When all we feel like is just another rock kicked down to the base of a mountain, sometimes we just need one person to notice us, pick us up, and see that we’re actually a precious stone, far better than we could even believe of ourselves.

Sometimes, all a person needs is someone to see the worth they never thought they had, and then they’ll start to see it for themselves.

Be that person for someone else.