Hoping for the Best

You guys, I'm going through a trial right now that's extremely hard for me to deal with.

It's been difficult. Really, really difficult. And I've been dealing with it for about 2.5 weeks, and it's been getting harder and harder to handle as the days go by. I've been crushed. Utterly and completely crushed. Everything aspect of my life seems to be weighed down by this. And people are starting to notice - I'm usually good at putting on a face, but I'm losing my ability to keep smiling. I've never been so low in my life.

Today, I was talking to my mom about this whole thing. After a while, she looked at me and said, "Stephanie, this is crazy. You're usually one to see the positives, and right now, all you're looking for is the negatives."

She's right. This isn't me. For 2.5 weeks, I've been expecting the worst, only so I wouldn't have to hope for something that might not happen, and then have my hopes dashed. I skipped the hope and went straight to the smashing thereof. Funnily enough, it was only yesterday that I decided to read a talk given by President Uchtdorf (then, Elder Uchtdorf) in October 2008 called The Infinite Power of Hope. I knew I needed to be hopeful, but here I was, telling my mom that I had to look at the negatives because I didn't want to get my hopes up for nothing.

It's stupid, though, to hurt yourself before something else might hurt you.

So, I'll be hopeful. Because I know that it's the better option. My mom told me to hope for the best and let things play out, even if it sucks. Am I going to get hurt? Maybe. But "maybe" is better than "definitely." Maybe it'll still suck, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I am a life lover. I am a positive thinker. I am not a giver-upper, or a wallower. I am not easily defeated. I don't stay down. I pick myself back up, even when it's hard. And in times of my life where I didn't have to strength to stand, my Savior's been there to help me up. He and I are buddies. He gets me, and I'm getting to know Him as I live my life and turn to Him. We're in this together. I also have angels round about me to bear me up (D&C 84:88). I wasn't sent here alone.

Life is good, situations suck. And the situation I'm in right now SUCKS. But eventually, it's going to get better. If I'm sticking with Jesus Christ, who is the light of the world, the darkness I'm in will be dispelled.

"And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along."

(D&C 78:18)

I have so much inner conflict inside of me, it's insane...

nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. (2 Nephi 4:19)

So, here we go. Hopefully it turns out for the best.

Life is good. Family is better. God is great.