Hoping for the Best

You guys, I'm going through a trial right now that's extremely hard for me to deal with.

It's been difficult. Really, really difficult. And I've been dealing with it for about 2.5 weeks, and it's been getting harder and harder to handle as the days go by. I've been crushed. Utterly and completely crushed. Everything aspect of my life seems to be weighed down by this. And people are starting to notice - I'm usually good at putting on a face, but I'm losing my ability to keep smiling. I've never been so low in my life.

Today, I was talking to my mom about this whole thing. After a while, she looked at me and said, "Stephanie, this is crazy. You're usually one to see the positives, and right now, all you're looking for is the negatives."

She's right. This isn't me. For 2.5 weeks, I've been expecting the worst, only so I wouldn't have to hope for something that might not happen, and then have my hopes dashed. I skipped the hope and went straight to the smashing thereof. Funnily enough, it was only yesterday that I decided to read a talk given by President Uchtdorf (then, Elder Uchtdorf) in October 2008 called The Infinite Power of Hope. I knew I needed to be hopeful, but here I was, telling my mom that I had to look at the negatives because I didn't want to get my hopes up for nothing.

It's stupid, though, to hurt yourself before something else might hurt you.

So, I'll be hopeful. Because I know that it's the better option. My mom told me to hope for the best and let things play out, even if it sucks. Am I going to get hurt? Maybe. But "maybe" is better than "definitely." Maybe it'll still suck, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I am a life lover. I am a positive thinker. I am not a giver-upper, or a wallower. I am not easily defeated. I don't stay down. I pick myself back up, even when it's hard. And in times of my life where I didn't have to strength to stand, my Savior's been there to help me up. He and I are buddies. He gets me, and I'm getting to know Him as I live my life and turn to Him. We're in this together. I also have angels round about me to bear me up (D&C 84:88). I wasn't sent here alone.

Life is good, situations suck. And the situation I'm in right now SUCKS. But eventually, it's going to get better. If I'm sticking with Jesus Christ, who is the light of the world, the darkness I'm in will be dispelled.

"And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along."

(D&C 78:18)

I have so much inner conflict inside of me, it's insane...

nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. (2 Nephi 4:19)

So, here we go. Hopefully it turns out for the best.

Life is good. Family is better. God is great.

Because maybe this one would see some more light of day.

Once upon a time, she was on a softball team. She was no good, really, but she felt the need to be something great someday, and she thought that maybe this was the way to do it.

(it wasn’t, just in case you were wondering)

She was a sophomore in high school and was nowhere NEAR the JV or Varsity level, so she played on the Sophomore Team.

read:  “…there are [good] teams and there are [bad] teams. Then there's fifty feet of crap, and then there's us.”

(slightly altered quote from Moneyball)

This wasn’t a team. This was a group of girls who only slightly got along with one another, each praying that Coach would see her inner Jennie Finch break free and dazzle the masses, guaranteeing a starting spot on the Varsity team in the very least. …you know, with as much dirt rubbed in it as possible.

She also didn’t have very high self-esteem. She was shy, she was awkward, she didn’t really have friends like the rest of them did. She had a few, but at that point, it was more along the lines of a group of already established friends who let her sit with them at lunch.

So to recap, she was basically a nobody who had nothing going for her. She was a nice girl, but by no means was she anyone’s first choice to sit next to in the dugout. Or second. Not even third. She probably had a better chance of getting placed at the bottom of the batting order than she did of having someone genuinely think she was interesting.

Then one day, they drove up to Lehi for a game. It was right after school, and her last class of the day had been seminary, so she had placed her scriptures in her bag with her softball gear. When they got to the field, she took her scriptures out to find her sunflower seeds that had mysteriously gone missing in the catacombs of her Nike bag. Beautiful Sydney saw the book.

“Your middle name is Lyn?” she asked.

(the girl’s full name was engraved on her scriptures)

“Yeah,” she answered.

“It’s pretty!” Sydney said.

I want you to know that this moment changed her life in a small, but profound way. The girl never really thought much of her middle name. After all, it was her uncle’s name. Even though her mother always reassures her that she was not named for her uncle, still, no girl wants an old man’s name for her own. But at that moment, when Sydney expressed her approval of the girl’s middle name, she started to like it. It became beautiful to her, too.

She started using it everywhere. She wrote it on her food when she got to college, she signed it on notes she sent to her friends, she included it in her username for her Instagram account, she put it everywhere. It was as though almost overnight, her middle name went from something she mostly disregarded to something that she genuinely liked, and even treasured.

Sometimes, in life, all we need is one person to genuinely believe we’re worth something. One person to believe we are truly beautiful. When all we feel like is just another rock kicked down to the base of a mountain, sometimes we just need one person to notice us, pick us up, and see that we’re actually a precious stone, far better than we could even believe of ourselves.

Sometimes, all a person needs is someone to see the worth they never thought they had, and then they’ll start to see it for themselves.

Be that person for someone else.

Slow and Steady Finishes the Race

Marathon training. …not going to lie, it’s been a struggle. Bouncing back from being sick, I’ve just felt like my legs each weigh 100 lbs and I’ve been wearing out fast. Also, I think I’m running too fast (for me, anyway). Before I officially started training for this marathon, I was running a mile, maybe 2 miles at a time, and I was averaging 9:15ish/minute miles. I’m usually like a 10:00-10:30/mile. Running 1 mile is not the same as running 5. I’ve been able to hit my goals, but running longer distances has been hard since I've been running way faster than I used to. Sometimes I end up walking for a bit. My legs are just tired.

Plan: RUN SLOWER. I just get so excited to get out there that I start pounding the pavement with a little too much zeal. Not good for training. Well, except for every once in a while. That’s what I’ve read, at least. Also, I’m going to get back on my bike and cross train. I used to go to an indoor cycling class, but I haven’t been in 3 weeks. At first it was because I was sick, but now it’s just hard to get up in the mornings because I stay up late talking to my roommate. The class starts at 5:30AM. And it’s like a 15-20 minute drive from my apt. Moral of the story: I need to get to bed earlier if I want to build my legs and endurance back up without so much impact.

Also, I’ve decided to take an extra rest day this week, so I’m not running today or tomorrow (I’m scheduled to run 3 miles today). But then on Saturday I’m shooting for 4-6 miles. Last Saturday I got 5 miles in, so hopefully with this extra rest I’m giving my legs, things will go well this weekend I’ll be able to keep progressing.

So overall, training’s fine, but it could be better. I’ll finish this week off, and then continue with training next week, but I’ll add cycling into the mix just to build my body up a little more. Right now my training plan has me running Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, but maybe I’ll switch out my Thursday runs for cycling so I can still fit it in without overworking my body. Either way, I’m optimistic, and still confident that I can run this race. :)

Life?

Life is good. :)

My first race EVER: A 5k for my little brother's friend who was diagnosed with brain cancer.

Quick Update!

This one's going to be quick, because I've been super busy lately and I actually have to get to bed but I wanted to update the documentary!

Soooo... I got worse sick. But I'm better! I found a 16-week training program (which is pretty similar to the 18-week one I was originally following), and I'm confident I can run this marathon. Today I ran an easy 2.5 (well... there was a good little hill for the first mile, so it wasn't easy peasy lemon squeezy, but the distance wasn't bad. Plus, what goes up must come down when you're running in a circle). Tomorrow I'm going to run 2-3 miles, and then 4-6 on Saturday. I'm actually running fewer miles than the program suggests (just by a little bit), but that's because I'm bouncing back from being sick and I've been counseled by a trusted X-Time Marathoner not to over-train. Therefore, I'm playing catch-up... kinda. The most they have me running before the marathon is 20 miles, but if I just run 18 or 19... it's like the same, right?

I'm confident that I can do this! I want that marathon BAD! AND, when it's over (and I've recovered), I have a possible Ragnar, and a probable Ragnar Trail relay (on an ultimate team)!! AHHHHHHH MY HAPPY PLACE. :) :) :)

...well, one of the many. :)

life?

life is good. :)

also... there are no volleyball games for a month.

I'm going through withdrawals already.

but life is still good. :)

Less Than Satisfactory...

So last week got off to a great start! However, my stuffiness has only gotten worse… On Friday I felt pretty nauseous and I still couldn’t breathe through my nose, but I helped run a stake dance that night and of COURSE I went all out on the dance floor! …in spurts, with more songs sat out by the end than danced. I learned my lesson on Saturday when I woke up feeling like I got hit by a bus. I didn’t end up running my six-miler. Am I confident that I can run six miles? Yeah. Am I worried that I missed this first longer distance in my training? Slightly… But it is what it is, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t just doom myself. I’m still all in for this marathon, and am determined to not miss any more days. I’m forgetting about it and moving on!

So Saturday was a sick day, which actually turned out kinda nice. I’m dog sitting my brother’s dog while his family is out of town (she’s a rescue dog and has lots of insecurities), so I spent the day at his house watching movies, reading Harry Potter, making sure the dog didn’t pee in the house, and planning out how this week is going to go. I’m usually running around most days of the week from one thing to the next, so it was actually kind of nice to take a real day off. Sunday came and I didn’t feel much better, in fact, I felt worse. There was pressure in my head, and everything up there was pretty sensitive. Ugh. However, I woke up yesterday feeling a lot better (nose still malfunctioning, but it’s whatever), so I went on a little jaunt to get my legs moving, and then today I'll shoot for 3 and get back on schedule. Small snag, but I guess it's good that it's early on and I can adjust easily, right? :)

Today’s Run

·         Distance: 3 Miles

·         Course: Indoor track. Flat.

Leyyyyyyygo!

Life?

Life is good. :)

OOOOOOOOH OOOOH! SHUT UP AND DANCE WITH ME!

K I just fixed my last post because the table I inserted containing my training schedule was messed up... so if you were dying to look at it, you may now see the whole thing. :)

ANYWAY.

3 miles down! Easy peasy lemon squeezy. :) Felt good! It was GORGEOUS outside. Perfect for a run! Fun story: I wanted to stretch afterward on some grass across from my complex, so I was walking there when these two guys in a car stopped me. They're looking for a place to live so they just asked me questions about my apartment complex, but at the end they were like, "Are you staying another year?" to which I responded, "Yeah, probably."

It's not a cool story unless we pretend they were completely smitten by my sweat and flushed face.

Anyway, they asked my name, said goodbye, and drove off. But because I sometimes find joy in making nothing seem like a big deal, I recognized this opportunity presented to me to escalate this situation just a smidge. So I Snap Chatted this out to some of the peeps (I actually used to hate Snap Chat, but it's kinda the thing with some of my ward friends at the moment, so it's whatever):

haha. :)

Now I get to do this again tomorrow! Which means that I have to go to bed, but I wanted to fill you all in on my first day! STILL HAVE SOME RUNNER'S HIGH LEFT IN ME. I know that not everyone experiences this feeling, but I do, and I sometimes think that I get RH enough to compensate for those that don't!

Life?

ahhhhhhhh :)

Life is good. :)

...cause 99 mph is how fast that I like to go! :)

GUYSSSSS MARATHON TRAINING OFFICIALLY STARTS TODAY!!

K so I haven’t technically started yet, but I’m excited because I run my first little jaunt later today!!!

Here's my training schedule:

Dark Blue: BYU Men’s Volleyball Home Games

Border: Muh Birthday

(you can ignore that stuff, it was just for my info, but long story short, it was pretty complicated to take off and being honest here, I didn't want to go through the trouble.)

I’m following Hal Higdon’s Novice 1 marathon training program, but I’ve moved stuff just a smidge to fit my needs (such as running my long distance days on Saturdays as opposed to Sundays as my race is on a Saturday, and other small tweaks like such as, the Iraq).

SO. Here’s where we’re at:

Distance: Three miles today. Definitely doable.

Status: I’m getting over a cold-ish whatever thing, but it’s not bad. I just can’t breathe through my nose. Smallest possible cough. Hopefully going an easy 3 miles won’t prolong my stuffiness, because I was done with the leaky faucet nose as soon as it started. Other than that, no injuries to report, so I’m good to go!

Course: Flat for today.

I’ll probably still write about it after I run it but I’m just so excited that stuff’s getting real!!!

K I’m sometimes a music runner, sometimes not. But I’m pretty freakin pumped right now and today is going to be a music day to kick this all off! :)

Song of the Day: Shut Up and Dance (Walk the Moon)

Life?
Life is good. :)

the brother. ...and lizard.

On paper, the numbers seem to make sense.

I’ve taken different paths in my life than a lot of my friends, and yet, we’ve still had similar experiences that we can relate to. How? Check out these fun numbers:

I’ve never served as a full-time missionary, but I talk about my Ragnar Relay Races like other people talk about their missions.

• Number of Ragnars Run: 3
• Collective Number of Hours Slept While Racing: 9ish
• Collective Number of Hours Spent Racing: 106ish
• Number of Different Teammates I’ve Had: 33
• Total Number of People I’ve Known on My Teams Before Race Day: 2

Though these strenuous, rewarding races are nowhere NEAR a full-time mission, I’ve had so many amazing experiences and met so many wonderful people while running these Ragnar Relays that I just never stop talking about them. You’re away from home, you don’t know anyone (pretty much the case for my Ragnars) – missions/Ragnars are a total, immersive culture shock! Everyone’s way too excited to be there, too – runner’s high, the Holy Ghost, call it what you will. Food is minimal (unless you get fed; thank you, Mr. Wadsworth!), rest is rare, and the masses think you’re crazy. Also, personally, I’ve completely fallen in love with every place I’ve run a Ragnar in (Wasatch Back in Utah, Colorado, and Las Vegas) and I want to go back all the time. However, as is not uncommon for LDS missions, I never gained any weight running these races (unless it was in leg muscle). 

It’s no secret here that I’ve never dated anyone, but I go through Ward Activities Co-Chairs like some people go through boy/girlfriends.

• Number of Times I’ve Had This Calling: 3
• Collective Number of Months Served For: 31
• Number of Co-Chairs I’ve Had: 8

As a side note: It honestly feels like this is my permanent calling, and that other people who get it when I get called somewhere else are just borrowing it. …also, this is my favorite calling. :)

I’ve had co-chairs that I’ve freakin LOVED (in the most friend-ish way – I’ve actually never “like” liked any of them. …I take that back, I did like one of them, but now we’re just friends), and I’ve had co-chairs that looked promising, but that I actually didn’t work too well with. …/didn’t work too well with me. I didn’t really know what I was doing when I first got called, and my first co-chair and I actually parted ways pretty quickly and aren’t even really friends now. Some served with me for months, some only for a couple weeks. Some are just like me, some are soooooooo different. Some people have boyfriends/girlfriends, I have collaborative partnerships.

As another side note: While these partnerships have been similar to the structure of romantic relationships, honestly, the lessons I’ve learned through having friends (both boys AND girls) have given me more life experiences and taught me more life lessons that are similar to the experiences/lessons that my friends have had through dating other people.

And thus we see that God uses various methods to teach His children the same lessons so that each may learn in the most effective way. :)

Life?

Life is good. :)