Ohhhhhhhh.... lo'u loto. One day, I will figure you out.

"When someone is a true friend,

you'd be surprised at how understanding they can be."

-Sky High

life?

life is always good. :)

Jo.Go :)

Sooooooo..... didn't get to sit next to super attractive kid in Sunday School.

cause I had to teach.

the OTHER class.

oh well.

Then he didn't go to ward stare,

so I didn't actually talk to him at all on Sunday.

BUT.

He came to FHE last night...!!!

AND I TOTALLY TALKED TO HIM!!!

for a bit.

about movies.

small.

no engagement.

;)
[seriously: just jokes]

But I don't know if he's interested...

meh.

But even if he's not,

he and his roommate are pretty awesome.

and so if I just get to be friends with them,

that's cool. :)

better than nothing, right? :)

I totally like him...

crush...

squish...

whatever.

I wish he would ask me out.

That would take a miracle.

cross ya fingers for me. :)

sure do miss this kid. :)

life? life is good. :)

They keep telling me that Sunday will come... ;)

I'm not really crazy.

But I am still a girl.

OH MY GOSH.

I haven't liked anyone for months.

MONTHS.

I liked this one kid about a year ago.

A LOT.

a lot.

He was like my best friend.

But we never dated.

I thought he liked me, and sources say he did, but he never initiated anything, and I never pushed it, and he was long gone by September.

Yeah, it hurt,

A LOT.

a lot.

Because my best friend [UNINTENTIONALLY] basically dropped me.

such as, we don't even really talk anymore.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG story, and I'll spare you the details.

But I got over it.

Scarred, and even a bit hardened, 

[working on it]

but over it.

I don't blame him for anything. He didn't mean to hurt me.

But since then, I haven't really liked anyone else.

I found every guy just about as attractive as any other guy.

I had a couple (seriously, a couple) little squishes, but nothing that lasted very long at all.

And even then, it took a while of getting to know them to get to that point.

BUT THIS KID.

HOLY COW.

He is FREAKING attractive.

Yes, it's the one I wrote the nice note to.

And I've only ever said like 5 words to him!

AND I'M TOTALLY CRUSHING ON HIM.

...sorta. SCALE:

I want to say that I'm like at squish stage

BECAUSE I don't know him super well yet,

...but I'm basically crushing on him.

How does this HAPPEN??

Why do I like him?

I can't really give you a good reason...

He's good looking.

He has the best smile. :)

He seems like the athletic type, which I really like.

He just gave an awesome talk in church, which leads me to believe that he makes the gospel a high priority.

He seems like he's got his head on straight.

BUT I DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW HIM.

Yeah, we've been in the same ward for a semester.

I'm a Sunday School teacher. He's in the Sunday School Presidency.

I know who he is. He knows who I am.

We're facebook friends, and he added me!

But I don't know him. I basically just know of him.

I can try to read him all I want,

but I don't want to read him,

I want to actually get to know him!

Plan: sit next to him at church on Sunday.

please be at church, pleeeeaaaassssseeeee be at church on Sunday.......

and please let there be an open seat next to him.....

It's going to be scary,

but I've done scary things before. :)

...I hope that we become friends,

and that maybe he'll even like me... :)

life? life is good. :)

Excitement [is a wee bit of an understatement in my life]

HOLYCOW.

LASTWEEKIWROTEANICENOTETOTHISKIDWHOIFINDSUPERATTRACTIVETHINKINGHEWASLEAVINGTHEWARDANDIHADNOTHINGTOLOSE.

 ANDITOLDHIMHEWASFREAKINGATTRACTIVE.

he's totally staying in the ward for Spring/Summer.

At least, as far as I can tell.

AND I THINK HE KNOWS IT WAS ME.

I didn't sign it,

 I had my roommate disguise my handwriting

(I'll spare you the details),

but I also wrote two of his roommates nice notes

and the handwriting was probably similar enough

that he compared it,

figured I was trying to disguise my handwriting,

which I was,

deduced it was me,

AND ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK!!

[...yep. excitement.]

THEN HE KINDA SAT BY [being like, vicinity-ness] ME TODAY, BUT IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

totally got shy and didn't say much to him........

oi.

What if he thinks I am weird?

standoffish?

 [ps: that IS how you spell that.]

CRAZY?? prolly.

didn't want to talk to him??

didn't write that note??

I can read people's personalities pretty well.

EXCEPT IF I THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE.

Then I just freak out.

silently.

on graffiti walls. :)

ohhhhhh life. :)

ON THE OTHER HAND I TOTALLY GOT THE BEST CALLING EVER BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :) :)

frea. king. stoked. :) :) :)

life?

the Earth is beautiful,

and life is good. :)

"Do you think babies would be cuter if they were furry?"

BYU Men's Volleyball.

oh. my. gosh.

I prayed so hard that I'd be able to see the game.

I love that team.

As I was helping out with some cleaning in another apartment in my complex,

I received text messages informing me that BYU lost set one.

TOURNAMENT MODE.

FREAK OUT MODE.

Clean.

Text messages inform me that BYU has lost set two.

Sadness. These are my boys...

Clean some more.

Under the fridge looks MAGNIFICENT.

THE MAN texts me and informs me that BYU TAKES SET THREE.

Hopeful.

Finish underneath the fridge, finish up a few last things.

Say goodbye to future roommates of my roommate,

(which means that they're like my half-roommates)

and overcome a ticket crisis,

find a great parking spot,

and get to the game.

MOST INTENSE GAME I'VE EVER BEEN TO!!!!!

win. :)

WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)

Mix this all with moving out,

a graduation party,

making sure I see friends who are leaving soon,

and a job.

And a shower. :)

oh AND a pizza. :)

Best April 25th I've ever had?

probably. :)

It IS the perfect date... :)

One time, I was an honorary coach. Lil' bro came with. :)

life? sometimes, as complicated as life gets,

life is always still good. :)

Since no one reads this anymore, I think I will dub this my personal graffiti wall.

And on my graffiti wall, I can do whatever I want.

I can write good things.

I can write sad things.

I can write things that only make sense to me and only me.

And it's ALL LEGAL.

And out there,
but never seen.

There are no judgments.

No hurt feelings.

Nothing held back. ...unless I still want to hold something back. There are just certain things that you don't let go of until they're tamed.

Some things that you just don't share, even if no one's listening.

There's also no one to share in the joys with here.

But that's ok, I guess.

Because I have other outlets for joy too. :)

If you do still read this,
I'm not counting you as a nobody.
And if you want to leave a comment,
by all means, go ahead. :)

If you do read this,
and choose to remain anonymous,
...how am I ever supposed to know?
By all means, go ahead. :)

And should you choose to make yourself known,
even after years of following in silence,
don't be afraid.
I'll only think it stalker-ish if you are creepy.
In which case I will probably put some privacy protection on this blog or delete it altogether.
Gotta stay safe, ya know? :)
But if you're a normal person,
whether I know you or not,
I'm not going to judge you.

Because secretly,
graffiti artists like it when other people see their art.
Whether it's understood,
or not.
Whether it teaches someone something valuable,
or not.
That's part of the reason why we put it up.

That and I don't believe in unrighteous judgment. :)

And as many of my friends know,
I've always wanted to become a graffiti artist. :)

life? life is always good. :)

The End of An Era

Once upon a time, there was a car.

It was a Ford F150. 2005. White with a tan stripe at the bottom. Short bed. 4-Door. Tan leather interior. An absolute beauty. As a lover of trucks, my heart was stolen. This car was my dream car.

It belonged to my older brother. Unfortunately, this was around the time when gas shot up to over $4/gallon. He couldn't pay for gas for it anymore. So, he did what he needed to do and put the "For Sale" signs up.

Utter. heartbreak. I was not ready to let go of this car! Someone else could NOT be driving it around my streets, basking in its glory and illuminating the road with its radiance. For weeks the sight of the red letters in the window made me consider wanting to think about crying.

[you know me.]

However, just as my brother didn't want to pay for gas for this truck, neither did anyone else. The car never sold.

And then, the unthinkable.

One night, my brother took me for a ride in the car. I was a new driver, about to get my license. He took me to the Toyota dealership nearby and showed me a small white Corolla. He told me, "I'm going to give the truck back to mom and dad [the car has always been in their name], and I'm going to buy the Corolla. And don't tell anyone, but you get to drive this truck."

.......WHAT????????

I could see the fireworks. Magic was real and dreams came true! I couldn't help but smile incessantly. This. truck.... was mine. Mine! It was too good to be true! :)

But... as it turned out, it WAS too good to be true.

My brother bought the Corolla and gave the truck back to my parents. My mom started driving the truck around. [INTERJECTION: This car floats. It is like driving on clouds. In heaven. With Lake Powell and Hokulia Shaved Ice. Pure magic.] Her feelings for the car grew. I got my license. As soon as I officially entered the driving world, my fate had been decided.

My mom's car was now the F-150.

My car [which was my mom's previously] was a Ford Excursion.

It was a "mom" car! I was in high school! IMAGINE the points I would have earned if I was driving this beauty around!

How. do you beat. that?? Impossible. All was lost. There was no hope for me anymore. In the words of Jon McLaughlin, I was "so close... so close, but still so far."

And so began the days of me and The Beast. :)

It wasn't so bad driving the Excursion. I had learned to drive in it as well as in my dad's F-350 [with a long bed], so I never felt swallowed, overwhelmed, out of control, etc. while I was driving this car. We instantly got along and a beautiful friendship was born.

Over the years of driving this car, we began to understand one another. I learned everything about how the car drives. I learned its quirks, its imperfections. I learned its strengths. I learned what made it happy: a full tank of gas, *ahem* excuse me. Diesel, and a long drive around the town. :) Later, I would learn that drives around the temple and up the canyon would make both my car and I very happy indeed. :) My car got me everywhere I needed to go safely, and in its own way (which I began to understand as our friendship grew), in style. :)

It wasn't long before I began to love this car. My car. My Excursion. :)

We had plenty of good times together. Countless. A few of the highlights include:

• Every. time. I started my car. My heart raced. :) You have to experience that one yourself. :)
• So many times rolling down all the windows and blasting my music. :) Those times were special every time!
• Coming out of work in the summers [freezing cold from intensive air conditioning], climbing in, shutting the door, and being enveloped in such glorious warmth produced by this massive black car with leather seats. Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh :)
• Putting down all the seats and hanging out with my little brothers. :)
• Writing on my car just before I moved out for school. Daniel wrote, "Take a bath, hippy!" on the back passenger window and it stayed there for weeks. I became known for it by a few wardies, actually. :)
• So many dance parties with my roommates driving around on many adventures. :)
• Backing into a stall in our church parking lot while four very attractive men watched intently. Win, my dear Excursion. Win. :)
• Racing. Pushing 80 mph in a 35 mph zone. Rapidly shooting through narrow ways of cars and brick walls. Up and down hills and turning on a dime. We were quite the team. We NEVER lost. :)
• Discovering that homework in the back with all of the seats down was the greatest thing EVER. ...when it wasn't freezing outside. :)
• Driving around the temple with the sun shining.
• Driving up the canyon and looking out at the valley.
• Those last two reasons are why I am SANE. I can't express to you how it made us feel. My sanctuary.

So many more. :) Even when I wasn't the one driving! Road trips. Up to Oregon. Idaho. Wyoming. Down to Vegas. The Valley of Fire. San Diego, CA. Poway, CA. St. George, UT. LAKE POWELL. Even Utah Lake! Provo Canyon! DISNEYLAND! This car and I have been everywhere together. Through good times, through hard times... though my pride would rather I not admit this, a few tears have certainly been shed in the comfort of my car. The part of my home I never had to let go of. A true, genuine, beautiful friendship indeed. :)

You can imagine my heartbreak when it was suggested that I buy a new car.

Though I have accepted everything about this car, there was always one argument that I could never win with those who loved me most.

This car has a diesel engine.

Which requires diesel fuel.

Which is expensive.

Especially for a college student.

Over and over again, and growing increasingly more frequent, my family tried to convince me that I should not be paying as much as I was to fuel this car up. To be honest, they were right. They knew it, I knew it. But my pride and my love for this car joined forces and refused completely to let go. I form very intense attachments in my life. People, cars... it's never been an easy thing for me to let go. Ever. Still sucks. Bad.

However, a few events started to chip away at my fortress of a wall I had built around myself to protect myself from ever having to loosen my grasp on this car. Soon to follow, circumstances necessitated the induction of a new means of transportation in my life.

To make this next part of the story short, I was given a proposal. I would give the car back to my parents, and in return, I would get a Toyota Rav4. I had driven this car a few times, and I do like it. A lot, actually. But you have to understand. The whole situation was just hard to deal with.

And so, I agreed. Thinking the switch would be MONTHS away. Knowing it had to happen, but not crossing that bridge until I came to it.

A week later, I received a phone call.

I had just been appointed the primary driver of a Toyota Rav4.

I've been in shock ever since. I have a new car. I no longer drive my Excursion... I am deeply grateful for this car. I miss my Excursion, but I know it has to be this way and I do like the Rav4. I'm just going to need a little time to adjust. How am I? I've just had my heart ripped out. I've just received a gift that I don't feel like I deserve. A much, much needed, merciful gift that I don't feel I deserve at all. For many reasons. In shock is the only way I know to describe my feelings. An emotional time? Yes. Because of the cars and emotional circumstances I've found myself in in general. [Don't worry, I'm not completely crazy, getting all emotional over a car, only slightly. :)]

But this, my friends, is the end of a beautiful era. And the beginning of a promising new era. And so I wish to make my eulogy:

[because why not? ;)]

After just about 6 years, I finally have to let go. On to great new adventures for sure, but freak. Who knew that I would ever get so attached to a car?? Beast, secretly known as Hercules, it's been good, it's been fun, and it's been a freakin RIDE. :) so. many. [NUMBERLESS] good times... :) Though I'm grateful for this next chapter of my life, you will surely be missed. :)

And so begin the days of me and the Rav4. :)

life? life is good.

life is good, family is better, and God loves you. :)

I love Elder Fiso! Manuia le Kerisimasi ma le Tausaga Fou, Daniel! :)

So my family just went to see Wreck It Ralph for Christmas Eve.

[tradition]

As we were driving to the movie theater, we were talking about how my brother and his wife had already seen this movie twice with their kids.

I thought, "I mean, I love movies, and I've seen movies multiple times in theaters before [PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN], but now that I don't have money flowing out of my ears, I don't think that there's a movie that could come out that I'd be so captivated by that I'd pay $10 [basically] to see again."

And then we sat down in the theater.

Of course,

who am I?

Oh yeah- that would be me.

IT'S A DISNEY MOVIE.

I was totally entranced.

It made me laugh,

it made me think about crying

[oh yeah- that would be me],

it made me want to be a hard core, bad-A racer girl

(means I gotta learn how to drive a stick... but I can do anything)

[oh yeah- that would be me]

and it totally and thoroughly reminded me

that I am and forever will be

a Disney Girl.

:)

Needless to say,

[but we always say it anyway]

I LOVED it!

And I would totally go see it again. :)

but let's be honest,

I don't have adequate fundage right now to go see many more movies.

So cross your fingers and let's hope that I get to see it again on a date. ;)

bahaha :)

life?

life is good. :)

family is better. :)

Manuia le Kerisimasi, ma le tausaga fou.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. :)

 ps: found this little golden flower on the ground outside of the theater. ...it was cute, okay? ;)

pps: IT'S A WHITE CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)