"Change is constant. We are continuously changing throughout our lives. I am changing. Something inside me is changing.
"When I was little, my testimony was pure and strong. There was not a force powerful enough to convince me that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was not true. You could Not tell me that the scriptures were wrong. I knew. And that was it. I had such a love for the gospel. I had such a love for life and those around me. I was fearless. But change is constant.
"Somehow, I lost that surety. I lost that confidence – all confidence. I became dependent on unstable things. I never really lost my testimony, but I think it was weakened. It's like it wasn't as important to me anymore. I think I put it on the back-burner. And let me tell ya- LIFE. WAS. HARD. And I didn't know how to deal with it. Everywhere I thought to turn seemed to bring relief for a little bit, only to open doors to new troubles. (I think back to this time now and I think that there must have been times when I did turn to the gospel in at least some form or another, or else I probably would have been pretty lost at this time in my life.) But I don't feel like I really solved anything or truly learned the lessons I should have.
"Then, I don't know exactly when it was (but I know that Seminary, YW's, and my sister were involved), I remembered my Savior. I brought my testimony (dusty as it was) back off that back-burner, and with the Savior's help, I started strengthening it. I tried to better recognize the promptings of the Holy Ghost. I started doing the things that I knew would bring me closer to God. It's not like I was getting into any trouble before, but I wasn't making the effort to really know what I knew before. Today, I remembered my testimony. I fully remembered it. I know now the absolute truthfulness of the gospel. It's undeniable. It's just what I knew when I was little – I can feel it. And I know that it's going to get better from here."
:)
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